5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.
“I am going to be married before I turn 25!” I remember exclaiming to a classmate of mine in primary school.
By the time I turned 18, I remembered having little fear about transitioning to adulthood. I thought that I was pretty confident about who I was and what I had to offer to any university or organization or anyone. I had average academic qualifications which I thought would be compensated by the fact that I was heavily involved in extra-curricular activities.
When I turned 22 I freaked out at the thought that I was about closing in on turning 25 and could not bear the thought of being married and settling down at that early an age. I mean, those sort of situations belong to my grandparents’ era and was definitely not part of mine.
In contrast, the years leading up to turning 25 has really been a roller coaster ride. There are experiences that I had never thought would happen to me, and choices that I have made that would, at times, hurt. And this is not including the choices that others have made and the situations I have been thrown into where I am still trying to breathe. I don’t remember being told that turning 25 would be this hard! I had thought that I would be elated at the new found freedom and prepared to take on life’s challenges.
I am not the person I had thought I would evolve into. And to show kindness and gentleness towards the person I am today can be a constant struggle, especially since I am not living up to my expectations. I have come to realise that I have been so inwardly harsh and unwilling to accept part of who I am today is a result of my doing. I mean, do my choices make me, or do I make the choices?
There are, however, a few things I am sure of, at my 25th year mark:
So while I drag my feet to the quarter century mark, I hope that in the midst of finding my footing in this life, I will remember to stop to smell the roses.